I'm seriously considering dropping Luceti.

I love playing my characters there, and I love playing with the people there, but I'm starting to realize that the game isn't what I loved anymore.  It isn't even the new AC rule that's bugging me, it's become everything.  I've felt like this for a year, but I keep sticking to it because I seriously love the people I play with.  I love bringing in new characters, developing CR, but now.... it's become a chore.  I keep pushing off Serenity's tags, too, in favor of other things despite the fact that I really do want to keep playing her.

I'm starting to feel bad because I feel like I've become a squatter.  None of my characters get a post more than once a month because, honestly, I don't have the time to devote to it.  I don't tag quickly.  I tend to drop threads in favor for ones that keep my attention.

I don't want to say I've grown out of RP, because I still want to RP, but I don't think I want to RP there anymore.  I don't want anymore 'slice-of-life' games, I want something that can keep my attention.  The games I have applied for, like devils_see, that would keep my attention, I end up dropping so I can keep up with Luceti's fast pace.

I just don't think I can do it anymore.  I keep giving myself months to think about it, taking hiatus after hiatus in hopes that my love for the game will come back, but it won't.  I don't think it ever will.

And this doesn't even make me feel sad.

I keep meaning to post NQS's application, but I look at the personality and just... falter.  It looks so incomplete compared to most of the stuff I've written, and trying to rewrite it tends to make it more jumbled.  I keep forgetting that she's still USAGI TSUKINO, and focus more on the bits & pieces we get about her from the manga.

She's still bright, and loving, just with an added flair of maturity.  She's made more sacrifices to be queen than most people think, as did her friends and soldiers.  There's still immaturity left in her.  And and and.  Oh.  I wish I could just describe her in a few sentences and leave it at that.

Not to mention, I'm worried about how people will view her.  Most people that play her, play her as fairly serious, and I'm, well, not going to go that route.  Cosmos, I can see as being serious and sickeningly sweet, but Neo-Queen?  No.  At least, not to me.  Oh god, I'm going to do something wrong.

Also.  Contemplating dropping Alice from Luceti.  I love playing her, but I'm starting to think it's just not the right place.  BUT I LOVE PLAYING HER.  DILEMMA!  DILEEEMMMAAAAA!  Maybe I need to find another place to play her, but Luna's Alllaaannn is so good. /waffles everywhere, with lots of butter

I wish there was some sort of update I could give you all, but the most I can think of (the most my brain will allow at this moment) is that I'm very, very sick.  I'm spending most of my time on the couch, rotating between the occasional nap, watching TV (though napping + tv go hand in hand), or playing a video game.  I haven't really spared much than an occasional scroll through of my f-list, and it's even worse for Luceti; I mean, I honestly haven't answered a tag since the, hurrrppp, 19th (sorry).

It's kind of bumming me out because I don't really have the brain capacity to play Kadaj, and I really wanted to fuck with him during the event (lulz, him running around thinking he's a priest for Jenova's Witnesses and handing out fliers would've been pretty damn epic).  I'm feeling absolutely terrible about it all because I hate making people wait (sorry again).  So, I put up a hiatus, though I haven't really touched the OOC comm without it; there's not much reason to, honestly.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Anyone have magical medicine that will cure me of my ailments?  I'd love you forever!

I submitted Kadaj's application. I've been rewriting it for days, and was meaning to watch ACC but I still can't stomach it.

WAI HAVE I BEEN BURNED OUT ON YOU FOR SO LONG, SHINY-CG MOVIE? I read the script instead. C: I can ignore all of Cloud's angsty parts, and Tifa's,"BUT YOU'RE NEVER HERE" and the whole,"I JUST WANT TO BE FOORRGIIVVEEEENNN!" /kicks it

also. i'll do meme later. i gotta go make teh dinner.

( viiddeoo gammmeeee mmeeemeee )

All right.  I should talk about my weekend because it was kind of awesome.  My best friend ended up canceling her party on Saturday, so instead I went out with my dad and aunt to Necropolis.  We had gone last year, and it was so much fun and scary.  This year, however?  Not so much, at least not scary.  I don't know if it was the women in front of us who were the typical stereotype of black women, and screamed and yelped and had me rolling on the ground laughing (it was hilarious), or if it was the lack of workers, but it just wasn't... scary.  At all.  But it sure was a confidence booster.

Why?  Because I was hit on.  A lot.  Called pretty, and cute.  The workers complimented my heels and all that jazz.  God, I love myself sometimes (shuddup, it's good to have some self-confidence).  Also, I had done my hair in a cute butterfly braid.  So adorable.

After the haunted house, we headed to Denny's.  Mind you, we got out of the haunted house at 12:14.  We didn't get out of Denny's until around 2 am, and it was packed.  And that was my Saturday of awesome.

Halloween was your typical halloween.  Went to my grandparents, took my dog with me, had a cookout with hotdogs, burgers, brauts, ribs, etc. etc.  I made a new burger that was topped with carmalized onions, blue cheese, various greens, and spicy mayo; it was amazingly delicious, and I urge you all to try it.  My aunt took the kids out trick or treating while the rest of the adults watched horror movies (first on the list was Night of the Living Dead (not the remake, that sucks), which despite how old it was, had my grandmother cringing).  We made candied apples, and carved pumpkins, sorted candy, and got ZERO trick or treaters.  I was happy about that.

RP WISE: I've had a strong urge to play Kadaj somewhere, and while I'm actually working on an application for Luceti for him, I don't know if I'll submit it.  I want to, but I don't know if I want to.  You know?

I wonder how many other people are going to just shrug this off and continue playing. I know I am.